Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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