new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
