we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
