She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
