So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
