so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
