When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
