last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
