My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
