That's intense
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
