Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you win again, gameday.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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