**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
