Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
