I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
