Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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