I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
