just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
