If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Randomize
