There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
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