what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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