ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
