i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
