Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
