There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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