I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
