Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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