nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
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Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.