k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke