how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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