my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer