he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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