So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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