I have demons in me.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
