i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
A+ Viking dick
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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