Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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