im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
