There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
