She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
