Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
