I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
