he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
