Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
