She's JV to your varsity
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I cut my penus on the lid.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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