I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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