trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
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