I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
