I think I died a long time ago.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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