I faked an abortion last night.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
