I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
