It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
