It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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