We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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