shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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