The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I need moral support for this bender
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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