Moan for me like Helen Keller
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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