Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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