theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
