Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
