it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
