Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How external is "for external use only"?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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