bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
