I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
