Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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