The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
