Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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