I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
