He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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