We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
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Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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