i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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