Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
