In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The Olympian is in my bed
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
