I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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