So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
