Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
