I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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