I wish I could teleport
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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