We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
