kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
