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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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