12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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