The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
