well you can't waste a boner
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
