this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
