..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
