i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
