sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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